I went to my Internal Medicine Doctor and told him about everything. Not sleeping. How obgyn thinks its PPD. How bad I feel.
He ran a gamut of labs today and he is also sending me to see Gastroenterologist for a consult. Hopefully I will feel better soon!

Sometimes my mind goes on and on even when my body wants to quit.

I haven't dropped off the face off the earth.
Thank You for inquiring about me.

We are having an interesting year. I should say. In PC terms.
I am recovering from losing the last miracle twin. (Long story for those I did not tell)
Kara and I have taken turns at the hospital. She is awaiting major surgery( bypassing a defect in her duodenum) during her Christmas break from college. She had her gallbladder removed a couple of months ago after being ill for several months. GI believes she possibly has Crohn's disease.
Noah had lost some weight he's had his endocrine system check. Thought was that he had hyperthyroidism. But apparently that was a misdiagnosis and he had some other issues.
I went through a PPD after losing the babies. Decided to put the little children in public school after consulting with pastor's wife. I kept having road blocks occur now it is almost October
and I still don't have them in. I feel better so I am trying to decide if I should keep them home and continue to home  school. Or let them go so I can clean up our house. It has become cluttered and dirty with all of the hospital stays and bedrest.
Some have advised me the best thing I could do for my children would be to send them away to school. You can not be a good Mom if you can't get out of bed every morning.
I did .... get out of bed every morning, it is just the days became overwhelming. There is another smaller group of people who told me to follow what God has told you to do. Your children have grace given for where HE has you, grace  to be with you all,whenever you are at. I did pray about where the children should be. My husband said he feels strongly that they should stay home schooled. At least for this year. I tried to enroll them out of desperation. I say often that I need some mothering through all of this. I need a mother's helper and a house cleaner. The house cleaner just to help me get caught up to a decent standard of house cleaning. A mother's helper to help me with the littles while I catch up with my 15 year old son and his school work. So we can keep our "normal" of finishing studies by Christmas. Before Kara has her surgery. I have started praying specifically for these 2 things since my head is more clear.
My husband now has a job. We are very thankful for. He isn't making what he did before the lay off. I am just happy that he is gainfully employed. I believe that has helped ease some of whatever was getting me down. We are eating whole foods again because I am cooking.

I have found the best thing right now for me is to get out o the house at least once a week, like taking the kids to the park to run around and have lunch in a quiet shady place. Ignore the chatter. Everyone has advice from their own personal thoughts or ideas, but someone who will pray with you and actually just lift a hand to help can usually offer the greatest advice.
Enjoy this moment that GOD has given you. Do not fret about tomorrow. Don't miss today worrying about tomorrow.

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Let them curse, but You will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but your servant will be glad! ...With my mouth I will give great thanks to the Lord; I will praise Him in the midst of the throng, For He stands at the right hand of the needy..." Ps. 109:25-31

This has been a very eventful week.
I feel desperate and needy.
I am hiding in the shadows of HIS wings and begging for health and strength!

Psalm 91

 ¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
       will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^[a]

 ² I will say ^[b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
       my God, in whom I trust."

 ³ Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
       and from the deadly pestilence.

 ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
       and under his wings you will find refuge;
       his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

 ⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
       nor the arrow that flies by day,

 ⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
       nor the plague that destroys at midday.

 ⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
       ten thousand at your right hand,
       but it will not come near you.

 ⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
       and see the punishment of the wicked.

 ⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
       even the LORD, who is my refuge-

 ¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
       no disaster will come near your tent.

 ¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
       to guard you in all your ways;

 ¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
       so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

 ¹³ You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
       you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

 ¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
       I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

 ¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
       I will be with him in trouble,
       I will deliver him and honor him.

 ¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
       and show him my salvation."

What Are We Fixated On? | resolved2worship on Xanga

I love this post, it relates to a bible study I did earlier last week.
God seems to hem things together so perfectly!

.........But thankful.
We have had a very hard and overwhelming week but also a week of blessings.
Kara is trying to recover from her cholecystectomy earlier this week( Monday's gallbladder removal surgery). She was diagnosed with SMA syndrome (which is very very very serious) {{Superior mesenteric artery syndrome}}. I need to have people pray about it with me for her healing.

We are so thankful to Maw Maw Nancy and Paw Ralph for the gifts they bestowed upon us this week. They brought probably more than a paper grocery bag full of different kinds of bread,
which the children have been thoroughly enjoying. Promptly consuming them!
Melissa M. (My Pastor's wife) helped me get caught up on laundry. I have stayed caught up so far. For me it was like a foot washing. She has been such a blessing to me. I have had a lot of pride to overcome. Allowing others to help me is a big deal. My husband's deceased grandmother used to call me an independent heifer because of my working too hard to help everyone do everything but not requesting enough help when I need it. It did not realize that it was such a bad thing until I realized how ugly being too proud can be. This entire year has been full of life lessons.

We were audited by the IRS fro our state taxes this year. I finally got everything together that I need to mail
to the auditor. I was allowed to use church copier to copy our needed items, social security cards,birth certificates,marriage license, and 2009 Federal Taxes.
We have been sitting cool for a few days in an air conditioned home cooled by a brand new window a/c unit. It's amazing what energy one has when one isn't overheated!!

Noah had his 4 year old checkup. He has gotten taller and lost weight. He has had a gamut of blood test run. We are awaiting results from those. For now I am giving him protein drinks. He is being tested for thyroid problems and metabolism disorders.

I don't like being or feeling as tired as I am. It puts me in survival mode to the point of where I don't feel that I am truly enjoying the creation God has given us, instead I feel I am simply rushing
into the next thing we are supposed to do. I feel my bible reading is disoriented and my prayer feel empty. I hope I am not in this state too long. I believe part of the problem is that I am still anemic. I may need iron treatment. Need to see a hematologist if it doesn't resolve soon. I am taken prescribed iron pills. The bad ozone days have been really hard on me.

I feel like I can not breathe.

Surgery went well. Kara is slowly recovering. She had some pain medicine and zofran for nausea and is trying to eat something.
Sweet Kim Kyle brought me some coffee this morning, completely changed my attitude and made my day!!
Grandparents..my parents came by bearing food for Kayla and I to eat and more coffee...yum!!
A little while ago Ronnie came by to visit and to get Kayla to go home. She has DT(dancing together program) tomorrow and will get the little people prepared to go.
and clean the kitchen.
I'm getting ready to help Kara go for a walk down the hall..per doctors orders!!